So as I’ve gotten older I’ve asked myself from time to time, “what if?” It’s something I imagine everyone has asked themselves at one point or another. What if I’d done this, or what if I’d said that. How would things be different? How would they be the same?

Lately, I find myself asking one question over and over. What if I’d joined the military when I was younger. It was something I contemplated many times.

When I was 18 or 19 and I wasn’t doing much of anything my mom took me down to the recruiting office for the Marines. I went through some of the initial steps. but didn’t end up joining. I wonder, could I have made it? My grandpa was a Marine. Could I have hacked it? Honestly, I don’t know. I’d like to think I could have, but am I being truthful with myself or just deluding myself? Honestly, I don’t know.

When I was in college, about 2 months shy of finishing my AA degree, 9/11 happened. I was mad, confused, angry, all the emotions I’m sure a lot of people were feeling that day, and I considered going to sign up for one of the branches. Navy was my thought. Navy had the bonus of being ocean-based. I love the ocean so it seemed like a no-brainer. The girl I was dating at the time said maybe I should think some more on it, and I never went down to the recruiter. At the time I was actually pretty skinny, so I may have met their weight requirement.

After college I bounced around for a bit, again not doing much of anything, when I was visiting a friend of mine, and I saw he was spinning his wheels, and I said to myself, I don’t wanna be that guy, I think I need to try joining. I actually went to the recruiter, and was ready to sign my name on the dotted line. Then came the weight measurement. Max weight for my height was 211 lbs, I weighed 228 lbs. I asked the recruiter to do the tape measure test on me. I had read online that if your neck measurement and waist measurement were less than 20 inches in difference you still qualified, even if your weight was over the max. At the time my neck was 19 inches, and my waist was 36 inches. I fell in the criteria. Recruiter said no, I should lose the weight and come back. Never went back.

I look at these things and I wonder, how would my life be different? What kind of person would I be? Would I even still be alive? All questions I’ll never get the answer to, but also something I have to remind myself of is if I had done these things it’s pretty certain I wouldn’t have the life I have now. I never would have met my wife, or gotten the job that I have, or moved into the house I live in now.

So, I guess I need to learn to Let it Go, and stop worrying about the “What if?” and concentrate more on the “What is”